Friday, September 7, 2012

National Sketch Writing Month Sketch #7



If Accounting Were Like Acting
by Colin Fisher

TITLE CARD: And now, “If Accounting Were Like Acting.”

INT. STARBUCKS

JOAN sits at a table for two.  She’s wearing a pencil skirt & blouse and a briefcase sits on the floor by her chair.  ALLEN walks over with his coffee and sits down.  He is wearing a suit and puts his briefcase on the ground.

JOAN
So, what are you working on these days?

ALLEN
Oh, just the usual.  I’m taking a great class on accounts payable.  I felt like I needed to get back to basics, you know?

JOAN
Totally.  Where’s the class?

ALLEN
Over at JP Morgan West.  It’s Bill Schneider’s class.

JOAN
I’m so jealous!  I hear he’s super inspirational!

ALLEN
He really is.  I mean, he’s very much of the tough love school, emphasis on the tough.  But he gets right to the heart of what’s holding you back and how you get in your own way as an accountant.

JOAN
I should get on his wait list.  I’ve just been sending out resumes to agents and HR directors, trying to stay on their radar.

ALLEN
I thought you had an agent?

JOAN
No, I was just freelancing.  She was pretty good, but she kept sending me out on fraud gigs.  It’s like, in what world am I right for fraud analysis?

ALLEN
Ugh, so frustrating.  How did she not know you’re perfect for Receivable?  

JOAN
I kept dropping hints because I didn’t want to be rude, but she never really got it.  I haven’t heard from her in a while, so, mailings.

ALLEN
Are you targeting the HR directors who work for companies that use accountants like you?

JOAN
Oh yeah, I researched everyone on Internet Accounting Database Pro.

ALLEN
Do you find that site’s worth it?

JOAN
Totally, between that and Accountant’s Access I’m pretty set for booking stuff on my own.

ALLEN
Ugh, I can’t do anything they list on Accountant’s Access now that I’ve gone union.

JOAN
Do you think you joined too soon?

ALLEN
No, I really think it was time.  I was booking non-union stuff pretty regularly, or at least getting callbacks.  Once I landed that first union gig I paid the dues.  I think it’s been worth it overall.

JOAN
See, I get callbacks but then I don’t book.  So frustrating.

ALLEN
Really the callback is the best you can do for yourself.  Beyond that it just depends on the type of accountant they’re looking for, and you can’t control that.

JOAN
I know, but it seems like they keep using the same accountants over and over.  Like, give someone else a shot, right?  We’re all really good at what we do or you wouldn’t have seen us in the first place.

ALLEN
You just have to let it go and focus on your craft.  Get really good and eventually they’ll have no choice but to work with you.  How’s your 10-key?

JOAN
It’s really solid, I know I’ve booked jobs before just based on that alone.

ALLEN
Yeah, then just keep at it.  Have you tried any of these networking places?

JOAN
I don’t know, it seems so skeezy.

ALLEN
Yeah, but it’s just the way the industry is going.  I mean, how much did you spend on that mailing?

JOAN
I think it was about $30.

ALLEN
So you can spend that on resumes that probably all just end up in the trash, or you can spend it and actually get in the room with an agent or HR director.

JOAN
I don’t know.  I’d really rather not support that.  All this stuff is so frustrating!  I didn’t get an accounting degree so I could spend all my time and money marketing myself and trying to get the attention of the gatekeepers.  I just want to do accounting, you know?  I want to connect with people and make them think about the numbers in their world.

ALLEN
Hey, if it was easy, everyone would do it.

JOAN
I wonder if I should just go to LA...

END

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