Moses & the Ten Commandments
by Colin Fisher
EXT. MOUNT SINAI
MOSES has been on the mountain getting the commandments from God. He’s coming down a path with the two tablets in his arms. He turns a corner and sees his people worshipping the golden calf, led by AARON.
Yo! What the hell guys?
Aaron jumps up and shushes at the Israelites, gesturing for them to cut it out.
Hey brother! Good to see you again!
Did you do this?
Well, sort of. I mean, we all got pretty antsy, and we’re so used to worshipping stuff we just wanted to get our fix, you know? You were gone for a while, man.
Forty days, but we’ve been on the move way longer than that. And I was up there talking to God. GOD. Remember him? Creator of the universe? The guy who totally screwed the pharaoh, and has actually been with us IN PHYSICAL FORM EVER SINCE?
Yeah, he’s great, but he’s been gone too and we weren’t sure if we’d see him again.
Who cares if you never see him again?! That doesn’t change the fact that he’s responsible for everything you see around you!
Yeah, but, this is a golden calf. It’s pretty.
Are you serious with this stuff?! It’s just gold! It’s a big pile of gold that you shaped into something! I’m talking about an actual, living god that you’ve seen with your own eyes.
But, he’s not here right now.
I don’t know how I can make this any clearer to you people. He just now told me ten rules, and this is literally one of the ten things we have to follow and you broke it.
Guys, he’s right. You’re right bro. We’re sorry. It won’t happen again.
Thank you. I appreciate that. I’m sorry if I lost it. It’s just he told me all this stuff we have to build and I’m carrying all these numbers in my head--
OK, slow down Moe, I wasn’t finished. It won’t happen again, but we were just about to wrap up here so let me finish these prayers to this beautiful golden calf and we’ll get started on that little project.
Moses just looks at him for a second.
Screw you guys.
He tosses the tablets down and they crack in two. He sulks off. Aaron looks at the rest of the Israelites. Group shrug, then they go back to worshipping the calf.