Microsoft Pulls Out of Seth McFarlane Variety Special; Avoids Awkward Morning After

In a continuing trend of almost being cool, like your goofy uncle, Microsoft has pulled its sponsorship of "Family Guy" creator Seth McFarlane's upcoming "Almost Live Comedy Show" on Fox. Here's the statement:

We initially chose to participate in the Seth and Alex variety show based on the audience composition and creative humor of 'Family Guy,' but after reviewing an early version of the variety show it became clear that the content was not a fit with the Windows brand.

So going by this statement, they have actually watched "Family Guy." Meaning they watched Stewie knowingly eat horse semen, anchor Tom Tucker refer to an Arab kid as having a "September 11-thy" name, and oh so many anti-Semitic jokes. So what could they have possibly seen in this new comedy show that made them balk? I can only assume McFarlane makes a Jew and a Palestinian fight to submission, and the loser watches the winner eat his baby. Oh, and they're all pooping. Then after the intro, the Olsen twins take part in a re-enactment of Bob Saget's version of The Aristocrats.

Or wait, maybe they haven't seen the show. Let's decode the beginning of the statement. Microsoft chose to sponsor the program "based on the audience composition and creative humor of 'Family Guy.'" So some guys in Redmond were sitting around in polos, khakis, and besocked sandaled feet.

"Hey, someone told me this 'Family Man' cartoon is killing in men aged 18-34. We need those numbers. And apparently it's edgy too. That's a good thing, right?"
"Wait, is it edgy like those fun dancing iPod ads, or is it edgy like 'According to Jim?' We don't need another debacle like that on our hands."
"Oh, I think it's much more like the iPod ads. Y'know, everyone's having fun, and then whoa, here comes Phil with a lampshade on his head!"
"Come on Gary, it was only once. You know how those hard lemonades hit me."
"They're showing a cartoon in primetime?"
"Let's do it. This could be the foothold we need for the Zune."

And so on. Thus did Microsoft earn the slogan: "Microsoft. Like Apple. But for pussies."

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