Tuesday, November 3, 2009

E! Has a Conscience? Re: J Goss

E! has displayed a death-row-worthy change of heart in an article posted this morning on their website. The basic argument is thus: Jon Gosselin says maybe he could stand to un-douche just a bit. To which E! says: Maybe that's not a bad thing. Perhaps we should "root for him." Why? Who's worth rooting for? According to E! (I'm already tired of typing that ass-lancing exclamation point), "...in the case of Jon versus Kate, they're all about 50 inches tall and under." Noble enough sentiment, though its placement as the last sentence of the article made me taste my breakfast again. I'm really regretting the tuna-bacon-gorgonzola omelette. But is E? for real?

I call bullshit.

In an article the thesis of which is "who would it hurt to root for this guy," E; refers to his "sorry mouth," mocks his dirtbike picture they chose, mocks his wardrobe, and calls him a "trainwreck." All true? Sure.

But it does make the invocation of his children as a reason to pull for the guy ring a little hollow. E} says his kids stand a chance of "emerging from tabloid hell singed, but not scarred." This is the bone of my contention. Outlets like E#, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, all address tabloids and paparazzi as if they operate in different spheres; as if one isn't completely dependent on the other in a two-snakes-eating-each-other sort of daisy chain. E~, you are that system. Granted, you're the most attractive and wealthiest member of the system, but if anything that makes you its king. So don't cry foul when these poor little rich kids start stealing Kate's Valium and crashing their dad's dirtbike. Don't act like you're above it all. You're down in the shit with the Weekly World News and Inquirers and bottom-feeding photographers, but you've proven that you can polish it and put an exclamation point after it and people won't mind so much.

So if you root for him for the kids' sake, be sure not to cover any of their DUIs or drug charges in ten years. We're watching.

As a footnote, they mention in the end of the article that other people would surely take credit if Jon turns himself around, like Kate, one of his leeches girlfriends, or Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Let's ignore for a second that the latter sounds like a made-up Dukes of Hazzard character. Did I miss a chapter in Stanislavski's "An Actor Prepares" in which he advised anyone finding notoriety to then get into Judaism? Not that there's anything wrong with it, of course, but I just have a hard time following the chain of events that leads a relatively devout Protestant from Pennsylvania to be life-coached or whatever by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

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