- Tired of the high-pressure world of having a shit-ton of money, Steve Forbes took a break and a chunk of his own wealth to finance and star in his own spy thriller. Unfortunately, no one would distribute it due to the graphic violence and Forbes' near-constant nudity.
- Convinced his immense knowledge of physics could help him master golf, Stephen Hawking tried competing in the PGA. However, the board deemed that the robotic attachments he added to his chair in order to play were in fact completely illegal.
- Richard Simmons felt his bubbling personality and can-do spirit were just the thing to help reform hardened criminals. He entered Riker's Island on September 15, 2007, and was never heard from again.
- Shaquille O'Neal, knowing his body couldn't last much longer in the NBA, decided to slow things down and teach kindergarten. On his first day, confused by all the words and numbers surrounding him, he went into a berserker rage and began slam-dunking children into trash cans.
- Failed oil man and failed baseball club owner George Walker Bush thought it might be a good idea to give politics a shot.
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