Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz Throws Surgically Modified Hat into Ring

Jessica Simpson's younger, smaller, somehow less-relevant sister spoke up about all the attention paid this week to her sister's apparent weight-gain. "I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight," Ashlee said. "A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News." First of all Ashlee, you're missing the point. It's not the weight. It's those godforsaken mom jeans. At a CHILI COOK-OFF. Second, Fox News made their name in embarrassing and belittling headlines, which is why you should tell your weird dad that just because he'd let O'Reilly spank him, you shouldn't have to watch the station if you don't want to.

She also said, "How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?" This is from a girl who used the absurd amounts of money she made for barely singing banal pop songs to buy herself a new face.

She finished with "Now can we focus on the things that really matter." OK. Please god tell us why you hate your child so much. You know, Staten Island Thumper or whatever the hell idiotic thing you named it.

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