Wednesday, June 29, 2011


I've been trying to find an angle on this Tracy Morgan thing for a while, but never knew what I could add to the conversation. Especially when someone like Louis CK drops gems, and I mean that sincerely, like "Nobody gets to say that they represent anybody and they're offended on behalf of the whole world." What Morgan said was stupid, I think he's in the process of properly atoning (not that it's up to me, or anyone really), and now that he's bargained with the morality terrorists he has to apologize for every damn thing he says.

I'm fed up with the constant ebb and flow in our pop culture landscape of someone saying something, someone else deciding that was a very bad thing to say, and then using some sort of out-of-proportion leverage to drag that person through the mud. I get it. You're offended. I'm offended. We're all righteously offended on behalf of gays, or blacks, or Asians, or mentally challenged people. Can we drop it now?

What's that? We can't? Alright then, let's fucking do this right. I'm offended. Goddamn right I am. I'm offended by trailers for The Zookeeper. I'm offended by the existence of Jersey Shore. I'm offended the FCC wanted to fine CBS eight bajillion dollars over Janet Jackson's fucking star-covered nipple, but the top rated scripted show on all the networks is CSI-whatever going into grisly detail about murdered, dissected bodies. I'm offended I had to use the word "scripted" in that last sentence. I'm offended by those godforsaken musical iO Digital Cable commercials. Actually, I'm offended by all advertising. I'm offended by child singers. I'm offended by Jeff Dunham, and no, not because his puppets are racist. They're just stupid. I'm offended by the inane garbage that CNN deems front-page-worthy. I'm offended by celebrity news. I'm offended by red carpet interviews. I'm offended that Michelle Bachmann is considered in any way to be any sort of viable legitimate candidate for any office in this country. I'm offended that we can't stop talking about her or Sarah Palin. I'm offended that there's some stupid list of words, which we all know and most of us use, that can't be said on TV.

I'm not fucking kidding.

I can guarantee you that I am genuinely offended by all of these things at least as deeply as anyone has been offended by the words of some stupid comedian in a semi-public arena. And you don't get to tell me I can't be offended by these things, because apparently that's not how it works.

So where's my special interest group? Who's going to demand that my laundry list get taken off the air or out of our culture? Why don't I get a voice here?

Fuck it. I'll start my own. I hereby claim my overlordship of SHIT (Stop Human Intelligence Torture). Who the fuck's with me?

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