Tuesday, May 4, 2010

And We're Baaaack!

Been a while huh? The last time I got on here was to make notes about Kirk Cameron's appearance on the Today Show, for a later blog about his inevitable ridiculosity, but by golly if the little Jesus freak wasn't perfectly normal. No croco-duck pictures or belligerent proselytizing; just a Mike Seaver impression. And that was on March 17.

And here we are. My has it been a heavy week. My hometown is under water, the Gulf is under oil, total incompetents are trying to blow up the town I live in now, Lost is almost over AND we're about to finish the Battlestar DVDs. Thought it might be a good time to inject a little humor into the lives of my readers (hi mom and Amy).

We need something trivial for this occasion. The merest wisp of celebrity silliness. Let's see, what's Justin Bieber up to? No, no, little girls keep getting trampled upon wherever he shows his adorable lesbian face and haircut and vagina. Heidi Montag Pratt Flotation Barbie? I'll just Google Image her and...oh god...oh, what hath she wrought? That is an image out of my very driest of nightmares. That won't do.

Umm...Katie Perry wore a light-up dress to something. Guess that's the brightest she's been in a while. Ugh. How do people care about dresses?

The iPad. Steve Jobs. Tampon. People waiting in line to spend hundreds on something that hasn't been field-tested. There's a joke there somewhere. Put it together.

See, this is what happens when I take time off.

Alright, alright, how about this: This fall, a movie's coming out about the racehorse Secretariat. This is hot on the heels of my not giving a damn about Seabiscuit. How do you dramatize a horse story? Why do we care about this, outside the gambling world? What obstacles does a horse need to overcome to run faster than other horses? Secretariat's Wikipedia page mentions records he set, that still stand today. So what? A cheetah could run faster. And they kill stuff. That's a movie for ya right there.

The only good that can come of this is a terribly misinformed old couple trying to see this movie, but renting Secretary instead and asking "Why is that man from Boston Legal spanking the horse?"

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