Tuesday, December 1, 2009

News of the WTF?!

Apparently the military actions (or "wars," if you like) in which the US has been engaged have been resolved, the economy has stabilized, and everyone has totally free health insurance, because the two news stories dominating my world are Tiger Woods forgetting how to drive a car and two very privileged people complaining their lives have been ruined because they achieved their goal of infamy after crashing a White House dinner.

Tiger Woods celebrated the Thanksgiving weekend by banging up his SUV in front of his house at 2:30 in the morning, then hiding in his bedroom for a few days hoping everyone would forget about it. This guy's been a total Boy Scout in the many years he's been a superstar, so I have to assume the worst here. He and his wife got hopped up on meth and accidentally killed the 12-year old Thai hooker they ordered, and he flipped out trying to ditch the body. Or, you know, he had his first Zima and tried to satsify a Cheetos craving. Either way, he'll be fine.

Tareq and Michaele (pronunciation? anyone?) Salahi, on the other hand, are rapidly approaching the Heenes on the patented Gosselin scale of oh-my-god-go-away. They crashed a dinner at the White House in honor of India's Prime Minister. Or, according to them, "no we didn't." Were they on the guest list? No? Then "yes they did." So they committed the minorest of minor Secret Service security breaches. They ate samosas. No one got hurt. OK. Cool.

But what's this? They say their lives have been "destroyed." Really? You lost all your money? No? Got fired? No? Someone took your house away? No? Threats of physical harm? No? Oh, a lot of people are taking pictures of you in advance of your media circuit? I see. Yes, yes, that certainly could qualify as having your life "destroyed," if you've never heard the word "destroyed" before. From CNN:
"We will begin doing press and media next week providing exclusive interviews and press junkets," Jones said in an e-mail to CNN on Thursday. "If you would like to be considered in our media circuit we request that you hold your proposed published profile until then."
I'm thinking, just maybe, if you're not crazy about having people inquire into your lives and follow you around and whatnot, you do your best to keep from crashing public dinners at the house of the most famous man in the world. I don't know. Just spitballing here.



  1. Next year, we will have spent more time in Afghanistan than we did in Vietnam. I hate the "news."

  2. Actually, I think my facts are a little off after getting a refresher on my history, but I think you get the point.

  3. Eh, close enough anyway. Yeah, I can't really get worked up over the health care debate any more, so I'm not sure which type of news I'd rather hear. Which is why I guess I ignore most of it. Except for the sake of the lulz.