Thursday, December 20, 2012

What are you people doing at the post office?

I felt the profound ecstasy of waiting in line at the post office this morning to mail a package for my boss.  The sea of post office humor was drained mostly dry in the 80s by men in sport coats standing in front of brick walls, but I want to address one specific thing.  What transactions are people attempting in there that take so long?

I have a box.  There's an address on that box.  You need to make this box go to that address.  Here's money.  BOOM.  Next.

But no, the people in front of me are never that straightforward.  They have so many questions.  What is there to know?  Do you need to know exactly how these things are being delivered?  Do you need the clerk to explain powered flight, or internal combustion engines?  Are you worried that the mail man in Florida doesn't know where your niece lives?  Don't worry about it.  They have this figured out.  For the most part.

Intense negotiations seem to be happening from time to time.  Exotic currencies from forgotten lands are presented and exchanged.  Eldritch powers are called upon to transport money orders through the netherworld, so that they may be used to buy goats on the other side of the globe.  I think I once saw someone offer a newborn babe as payment.

And the clerk accepted it.

Colin Fisher is many things to many people, but mostly he's an actor and writer.

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