Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Rescue Ink on National Geographic Channel

Rescue Ink is a new show starting Sept. 25th on the National Geographic Channel, or NatGeo for those of you who stay at home on Friday night (which means I call it NatGeo). It follows a group of huge tattooed biker types cruising the greater NYC area rescuing animals and scaring the bejesus out of their abusers. Here's a description of the premiere, from the website: "Rescue Ink comes to the assistance of a U.S. war veteran and his pit bulls; the guys are called in on a wild hen (and rooster!) chase in Queens; and they confront a man accused of shooting stray cats with a pellet gun."

One can only assume how the pellet gun man meets his end at the hand of this rogue inked hog-riding unlicensed animal control squad.

Don't get me wrong. I love animals. I put their abuse somewhere in the neighborhood of pedophilia. But one can't help but think the Great Dartboard o' Reality Programming is getting a little worn, yes?

We've got two completely unrelated reality memes linked up in this show: motorcycles (see "Orange County Choppers") and animal rescue (see "Animal ER," "Milo and Otis," "The Rescuers," "Denise Richards: It's Complicated"). What other themes can we tie in? Talent competition, multiple children, cakes, terrible overprivileged people, harsh judges, STD vectors looking for "love" (read: low effort income), fat people.

I'll save the TV execs some work right now and give them the formula for the best show ever. Two sets of overweight trust fund octuplets have to bake the best pimped-car-themed cake ever for Simon Cowell and Padma Lakshmi while pairing off on exercise dates with Brett Michaels and Flava Flav. Also Gary Busey is there. Done and done. Make checks payable to Colin Fisher.

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